Day 5

Something I hope to do in life is to visit Europe. I absolutely love to travel and anyone who loves traveling must visit Europe at one point in their lives. I guess a more "professional" goal of mine is to advance my career in the business world. Now that I have begun working my first "real" job and it being in business management, I love it! I definitely see myself in this career long term. Whenever we make the move to the West Coast I can see my career options widening as well because there is so much more opportunity in California. So that's pretty much it. I'm tired so I will be ending this one quick.

Day 4

Something I have to forgive someone else for would be my mom hurting me so bad emotionally when I was younger. She made my life miserable when she divorced my dad because she forced me away from him for 2 months and would constantly lie to me because I guess she thought I was so young (11) that I wouldn't understand. Well maybe at the time I didn't get it, but I found out soon enough. I have always been a daddy's girl and I think it hurt her beyond measures when I refused and fought to go with her and demanded to live with my dad. Especially being so young she probably expected to just have both my sister and me with no problems. Over the years we drifted and fought constantly. I hated having to go stay with her on her weekends and hated even more when my dad and stepmom went out of town because it meant I had to spend a whole week at her house. She tried to make our relationship better by letting me do whatever I wanted and in all honesty that made it worse. I guess our relationship got better while I was in college and didn't have to see her much. I can handle her in small amounts. I guess I just cannot get along with someone who is a habitual liar and is too weak to leave her alcoholic husband. She will cover lies with more lies and then backs herself into a corner and can't get back out. Her personality is weak whereas mine is more strong. I hate that I have to blast her on here like this, but it's the truth. I love my mom and would do anything for her. I miss her and can't wait to see her, but we just don't have that mother/daughter relationship like most girls have with their moms. I have that relationship with my dad and get along more with my stepmom as a mom/daughter do than my own mother and I do. I have forgiven my mom for a lot of things, but I find it so hard to forgive her for the things she does today because they are preventable, she just chooses not to change.

What a day!

There aren't many days where I can say that I was so tired by the time I leave work that all I want to do and end up actually doing is going home, vegging on the couch with my dinner, watch TV, and go to bed. Most days I SAY that I want to do just that, but usually I get in some sort of work out after work whether it be going walking, the gym, or doing yoga in the living room. Hell even playing wii could suffice as a workout sometimes. Not tonight. I literally came home, made dinner, plopped on the couch and have been here since I got home at 7:50. I love it. This morning Derek called at 3:20 and I talked to him until 4 AM. I didn't actually fall back asleep until almost 5 and then I woke up for the day at 8 so I could go to the gym. I worked out REALLY hard at the gym, I mean I busted my own ass lol. Then I came home, got ready for work, and had been there all day. I did get in some walking time at work so I walked about 25 minutes as well so that helped me keep my energy level up, but man it is 9:15 and I am POOPED! I plan on getting some great sleep tonight and getting up bright and early for a great workout. I think the evening workouts are coming to a slow down with it getting dark so early. So now I really need to make sure to workout in the morning and walk throughout the day so I don't obtain a winter "layer" lol. Does anyone have any suggestions to beat the holiday weight gain? It's so hard for me because for some reason I just naturally crave coffee, hot cocoa, and of course those fatty baked goods and desserts! Anyway I am off to bed! Good night!!

Day 3

Something I have to forgive myself for is beating myself up over things I do wrong, even if it was something that I was forgiven for or told it was "no big deal", for some reason I feel so stupid whenever I screw up, say or do something wrong, or piss someone off. I tend to really beat myself up over whether people like me or not. I hate it whenever someone doesn't like me or thinks something about me that isn't nice. I try so hard to show people I am nice, caring, giving, and friendly. At work I bend over backwards for others whether it be a co-worker, boss, or agent. I strive to be a great person and when someone doesn't think that of me I guess it offends me to the point where I beat myself up trying to figure out what is it about me or what is it I said or did that did not strike them the right way. I have to forgive myself for this and STOP doing it. Not all personalities mix and even if I didn't "do something" per se, someone may just not really take to liking my personality that much!

Free food

I HATE it when there is free lunch at work. I say I hate it, I really do secretly LOVE it, but I as a woman trying to keep and perfect her figure, hate it! Today there was Subway served to our current new hire class. I had a little 6 inch with turkey meat, two slices of tomato, pickles, and mustard. No damage there. Well then we have a luncheon to celebrate the people who have gotten 100% customer satisfaction (CSAT) surveys and also kept their average handle time (average time they speak to a customer) down to around the goal range and what are they serving there? Chicken strips and potato wedges from the Wal-Mart deli. Oh. My. God. I LOVE their chicken strips and wedges!!! So I had 4 potato wedges (big ones lol) and 2 strips. Freaking yum! I don't regret it at all! And with my exercise I did today I was still under my calorie limit for the day, but stilllllll it's just bad-for-you food! And that is why I hate free food, it is always sooo bad for you but of course no one passes up free food it's not like the economy is shit and if I can save money and save what I brought for lunch today for another day then I will!

Well that was a nice rambling rant! :)

On another note, today was crazy, but I got a lot done and did my yoga tonight after I talked to Derek's mom on the phone and I feel great! Yoga truly brings me to peace of mind. It is a great work out too! I was going to go to the class tomorrow morning, but since I did a nice work out tonight with it I think I will do strength training and go walking. It really is starting to feel amazing outside out here in NC! I also got to hear from Derek, that always makes my day. He is doing well and is in good spirits and that is a blessing. Every day down I am SO thankful for.

Well I have worn my welcome here not to mention it is past my bed time!

Day 2

Something I love about myself is that I love my passion for life. I am always posting something positive about my day in Facebook no matter what kind of day I'm having. Some people may think I am "too" happy, but in my opinion it's not me being too happy, it's just being thankful for what I have in my life. Life is so short and things can happen so quickly that you just have to be thankful for what you have. My dad's health has not been the greatest and my husband has been deployed to Afghanistan for two months (tomorrow actually is 2 months down!) and I am just so THANKFUL for my dad to be recovering from his colon surgeries very well and for my husband to still be okay. You never know when something can happen. I love life and am on a constant high from it. I love trying new things and enjoying things I already know I love. Life is good and I believe the one thing I can do to show I appreciate it is to be passionate and live for the day.

Day 1

Something I hate about myself is how obsessed I am with my body and my weight. Not only does it effect me, but it has an effect on everyone around me that loves me. I used to be a bigger girl ( my weight has topped at about 155ish and I am only 5'2'') and another thing that came with being big was being the slowest kid on the soccer field, the athletics class, being called fat, and hiding under ugly clothes that didn't hug me in any bad places. Even though my dad didn't want me to date until I was at least a freshman in High School, it didn't really matter because no one ever really liked me like that. I was the funny fat kid cracking jokes and making everyone laugh. Well I finally lost all of that weight halfway through high school and "blossomed". Even though the weight came off I was still self-conscious and a lot of that had to do with having a boyfriend who treated me like ish. Just as I was easing into my new "skin" I discovered the world of parties and malt beverages..t .an old friend of mine and I would party every single Friday and Saturday....well by the time it was the end of the summer and time for me to head of to college, I had gained all of that weight back! I struggled with it throughout college, even though I worked out relentlessly and obsessively (6-7 times a week) I just could not get the weight off. I think the comfort carbs you eat in college and all my working out kind of cancelled each other out to where I wasn't gaining nor losing weight. I can definitely say none of it was from partying because I was busting ass my freshman year to be able to get accepted to UT Austin :). Well anyway fast-forward to 2010. I am finally back down to my weight I was in high school 125-range. Although I have trimmed off most of the fat, I still need to tone my stomach (which has forever and ever been a problem area) and my arms and back. I am obsessed with my body as if I never lost any of the weight to begin with. I feel like I have this distorted vision of myself to where when I look in the mirror I see a fat blob, when in reality I look fine! I know Derek hates that I beat myself up over how I look, but how can you blame someone who was poked at and teased for several years, lost the weight, and then gained it all back!? While Derek has been gone I was able to lose the last 3 pounds or so that I was juggling with because of him being home and us having movie nights with Coldstone and going out to eat and stuff like that. A goal of mine besides to trim the rest of this fat off is to also accept love my body. I really only think that I can accomplish that once I have accomplished a great looking stomach and arms. I also sometimes think "well if I wasn't hard on myself then I would just let myself go and get fat again!". That can only be true to a certain extent. We cannot be too hard on ourselves or else that stress will only make our bodies do the exact opposite of lose the fat and just keep it on for longer to cope with the stress!